Memories
by Laurenke1
Summary: After viewing Severus Snape's memories in the pensive, Harry Potter has to come to terms with his feelings and try to understand what it is to lose someone you never knew. Can our hero grief or will he may not need to? Slash, sex, Snarry


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Harry Potter.**

 **Note: It has been forever since I last sat down to enjoy writing. I have been swamped off my feet with everything. However, the occasion is not a happy one as my grandmother recently died. She passed away unexpectantly this Tuesday and I need to do something with my feelings. So instead of focussing on updating my stories, I am creating this one shot. This is inspired by the Cats song Memories**

 **Title: Memories**

 **Summary: After viewing Severus Snape's memories in the pensive, Harry Potter has to come to terms with his feelings and try to understand what it is to lose someone you never knew. Can our hero grief or will he may not need to?**

 **Warnings: Slash**

 _Shock…and numb…and…blank…his mind was blank…_

Harry Potter sat in the Great Hall staring at the rows of shrouded bodies in front of him. He didn't know what to think or what to feel. So much had happened in the past few hours. So much that he had to process, wanted to process but he didn't know how. People he had known and loved were dead and he was supposed to grief for them. And people he thought he had known and figured were completely different people. And Voldemort was finally gone. He was free….and he had…he had his entire life he could lead right now. He was _free_. He had been prepared to die. To sacrifice everything and once he had realized that had been at peace but now everything was different….

 _Was it all a dream? Did I really see Dumbledore or did I imagine it? Did I really die?_

 _And why can't I get over the feeling of being disappointment that Severus was not there? I mean why would he be there? Why would he linger in the afterlife when he can move on, go wherever he wants to go…?_

He didn't know what to feel. He had never had a chance to grief. There had been Sirius but he had been so angry then. He had shifted the blame to Snape instead. He had needed that anger to see him through the war, to see him through the darkness.

And Snape had taken the force of his anger and he had run with him. He had used that anger to train Harry, to give him the much-needed focus and teach him the skills he needed to survive this war. Before he knew he would have to sacrifice himself to end it. Before he knew that Snape had played them all and had not betrayed them as Harry had thought he had. He had killed Dumbledore and Harry wasn't sure if he could forgive that but the rest he would never have guessed.

"Harry?" He glanced up at the sound of his name.

Ginny was standing in front of him. She gave him a teary smile and then crouched down. He could only stare at her in numbed silence.

"Are you alright, Harry? And I know, very stupid question as in how can any of us be alright right now. But…you have been sitting here for a while all alone, and you haven't said anything or even blinked so I was worried. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I…. I have to get out of here." It was too much. There were too many people, too much noise and too much staring at him. He knew that soon people would start approaching him, wanting to include him the grief and wanting to share the experiences with him. He needed to be alone right now. He had to come to terms with his own feelings first before he could begin to console others.

 _I want to see Snape...I have to know for sure that he's dead and…. I need to see him. I need to see him and tell him that I…that I am sorry and that I didn't mean it like this. That I respected him and…loved him…_

During their training Harry, had fallen head over heels for the brilliant man behind the Potions Master. The sarcastic but clever man had caught him by surprise and Harry had only wanted to learn more about Snape. And that body…. even now Harry was a little bit ashamed by the surge of lust he felt. He simply put it down to the stress of the past few hours.

Ginny nodded at him and then said. "Of course. Do you have your cloak?"

Harry nodded. He had kept it balled in his lap, unable to let it go. He had known that he would need it so he had wanted to keep it closed. Ginny glanced around and then said.

"Good, I'll distract them and you can get out of here. Oh, and Harry, I know that this may be a bad time to say this and I am sorry but I…I think it is best if for now we give each other space… I'm going home with my family. I need to be with them now and…. I just don't think I can focus on anything or on anyone else right now. Perhaps in the future we can try us again but I feel that right now it is not the time. I hope you understand. I will always be here for you! I am sorry that I am saying this now but I want to make it clear before we went our separate ways and other people get involved."

 _Relief, such crushing relief at Ginny's words that Harry was quite sure he had tears in his eyes._ He could only nod at her as he said. "Thanks, Gin. Just hearing those words means more to me then you'll ever know."

She gave him another smile and then leaned in to embrace him. He held her tightly for a moment and then she was up and provided a much-needed distraction so Harry could sneak out. He quickly donned the cloak, not daring to breath until he was out of the Great Hall. He was dodging people left and right, people who were searching the ruins of the castle for survivors, friends and family. Part of him wanted to help but another part of him knew he needed to find Snape. He needed to _know_.

He could help the other people another day, that was not his task now and he needed to remember that. So, with that in mind he headed outside and into the Shrieking Shack.

Hp

 _Fucking hell, where is Snape's body?_ Harry glanced around the Shrieking Shack. It was abandoned. The only evidence that something had taken place down here was the large puddle of blood. Harry was bewildered. Had a Death Eater come in and taken Snape's body? Or had Snape survived?

 _He better not be walking about somewhere. That is the last thing I need. A zombie Snape…"_

He sighed. Would that it ever be easy…

"That almost sounds like you are giving up, Mr Potter." Harry spun around so fast he almost fell over. Leaning against the wall was a very much alive, very pale Severus Snape. Harry blinked, sure that this wasn't real. Snape's dark cloak and the strands of his hair were bloodied but the great gaping wound that Harry expected to be there was _gone_. He reached out to grasp Snape's hand and squeezed.

"Potter, what in Merlin's beard are you doing?" Well the ghost or imposter sounded remarkably like Snape. However, Snape didn't shake of his hand and Harry frowned. _That_ didn't add up either. Snape had never seemed to like being touched by Harry. Well there was nothing for it.

Shifting his hold, Harry pulled Snape to him and rose on his tiptoes. The other man stumbled and Harry made use of the distraction to kiss Snape. He expected the man to slap him and push him away but he did not expect this.

His back was slammed into the wall behind him and Harry was thoroughly _kissed_. Snape pushed against him, invading Harry's personal space in the best way by holding Harry against his body. One leg slipped in between Harry's, spreading them further. The Potions Master's tongue licked at his lips and with a moan Harry opened them. He had never been kissed like this, with so much passion and ferocity. He rocked his lips against Snape's leg, feeling the firm thigh underneath which only made him feel more aroused.

Snape pulled away to nuzzle at his neck, lightly biting and Harry had to force himself away. He wanted to continue kissing the man, well he wanted to do more than that but….

"Snape?" He forced himself to say. He was breathless and he wanted to beg for more but he had to know that this man was the real Severus Snape.

"Is this really how you want to waste the small amount of time we have before they come looking for you, Potter? By talking?" Finally, Snape looked up to meet Harry's eyes. The dark eyes were alight with fire and Harry bit back a moan.

Snape had an excellent point but when Harry had left him a few hours ago he had been close to death. Was he even up for this….

In responds Snape's hand dropped to Harry's hips to pull him against his body. Harry could feel how _up_ for it Snape was but he had to make sure.

"Are you using _Legimency_ to read my mind?"

Snape rolled his eyes as he said. " _Legimency_ is a delicate art and as I told you many times during those disastrous hours spending trying to teach you any of this during your fifth year, the mind is not a book to be opened at will and to be read at…."

 _That_ sounded so much like Snape that he knew. Harry choked back a laugh that turned into a surprised sob. He had to bite back the sting of tears as he buried his face against Snape's shoulder. He could feel the pressure of the man's fingers in the back of his skull as Snape held him steadily. He wasn't sure if he was crying because of relief or because of everything that had happened the past few hours were finally catching up with him. The tension left him and he was sobbed through his next few breaths.

All this time Snape held him. Harry didn't want to do this. He tried to stop. Like Snape had said, he didn't want to waste their precious time together. He pulled away when he was sure he could at least _breath_ without breaking down again. He felt raw and on edge but he could cope. He was sure of it.

"How did you survive?" He had to know. It would take his mind off other _matters_. One which was still very persistently against Snape's leg. The older man frowned at the question but he did pull himself away reluctantly and answered.

"I always suspected that the Dark Lord had planned to end my life. He would never allow any to survive of who he doubted the loyalty of and I was very much on top of that list. It was only a matter of time before he would make his move. However, being so close to the Dark Lord allowed me access to Nagini. Therefore, I could produce an anti-venom which I began taking throughout the year to build up a tolerance. I would have died from blood loss, had Granger not sealed my wounds when you ran out once you had my memories…"

"You died…. I saw you die…" Harry stammered.

"I fell unconscious as anyone would do after you have been attacked by a six-foot snake. I did not in any fashion die!" Lips caught his in a hungry kiss and Harry moaned. Snape could kiss. If he had known this a few years or months earlier. Ginny had never kissed him like that and neither had she ever inspired these feelings in him.

"Can a dead man kiss like this?" The Potions Master pulled away.

Harry could only moan a negative answer. He was too dazed and he may have said as much. Snape chuckled and Harry grinned truly for what felt like the first time in forever.

"We are still wasting time, aren't we? I can only imagine that you'll want to get out of here before they discover you…" Snape nuzzled him and then said.

"Then perhaps we need to get a move on." The dark eyes glanced down his body in a way that made Harry's heart hammer in his chest and lust spiked. Fingers toyed with his belt, tugging on it and Harry caught Snape's lips in a demanding kiss. He wanted this. He needed _this_.

His hands roamed over Snape's bloody robes and he pulled, trying to get them off. Snape pulled away slightly and mumbled. "Do not worry about the robes…"

"I don't want to see your blood anywhere…"

"You're the most powerful wizard in the world, Potter. _Vanish_ it."

" _Evanesco!"_ The flakes of blood disappeared and Snape shrugged off his outer robe, leaving him in his pants and shirt. They were tailored to fit his body and Harry wanted to explore and taste Snape's body but as fingers fumbled with his belt and zipper he knew that may have to wait. _If I'll ever get this chance again. Well, I guess I'll just have to make most of the time I have and create plenty of memories._

So, he did, he arched into Snape's touch as the Potions Master eased his jeans down his hips as his own hands roamed over Snape's chest. He kissed the other man again until Snape took charge of the kiss and Harry groaned into his mouth. The man's hands on his briefs made him hesitate slightly. Snape noticed and the other man pulled away.

The dark eyes caught Harry's eyes and Snape asked. "Is something the matter?"

Harry glanced away and chewed on his lip before he said. "I've never done this before…." He did not want to look at Snape. The Potions Master must surely….

Fingers curled underneath his chin and Snape forced him to meet his gaze. The black eyes searched his faced for a long moment before Snape said. "To be honest, I would be surprised if you had managed to find the time for _that_. Especially with Miss Weasley…. But then I must ask, Harry…" Snape purred his name and it did funny things to Harry's insides…." Are you sure that you wish your first time to be against the wall in a dusty old shack with someone you hate with a passion? I know that there is something to be said for there being a fine line between hate and love and our mutual feelings have always been on the side of passion but…."

"Well to answer your question _Severus_ …" Harry had the pleasure of seeing the pleased surprise that Snape showed when Harry used his given name. The dark eyes widened and focussed on Harry's lips when he licked them to wet them. "…I would like my first time to be against a wall in a dusty shack with someone I happen to…. love…" He whispered the last word. He swallowed thickly and then grinned. "Especially if this may be the only opportunity I get to do this…"

Lips caught his in a hungry kiss and Harry groaned. Snape's hands on his hips pulled him flush against the other man's body and Harry melted against the taller man. "It will be more comfortable if you turn around." Snape broke away after a moment and Harry frowned. He glanced around the room and said.

"Perhaps I may suggest, instead of the wall…. the table…" Snape spun around and then nodded. He extended his hand to Harry but instead of accepting it, Harry kissed the other man, pulling him along as he tripped as he tried to pull off his jeans at the same time. Snape shook his head at him while he undid his own belt. Harry's hands stilled on trying to get his shoes and jeans off as his eyes were drawn to what the man's hands revealed. His eyes widened and he truly stumbled against the table when dark wiry hair was revealed when Snape lowered his trousers, followed by the most gorgeous cock Harry had ever seen, rising proudly.

 _Snape is going commando…. I…oh man if these memories are not going to be able to sustain me it is that_ very _knowledge that he does will help…._

But for now, Harry planned to enjoy every moment of this…. And it seemed that Snape had the same intention as he moved forward. The dark eyes were tender and the slender hands came to rest over Harry's on his hips. Snape leaned in to kiss him gently and then said. "Up, Mr Potter, we are wasting time staring that I would rather spend touching."

When Snape applied a gentle pressure on his hands Harry blew out a deep breath and held the other man's eyes as he pushed his boxers down and stepped out of them. The pleasure that flared in the dark eyes told him enough but when Snape suddenly whispered a spell Harry wasn't familiar he frowned. The meaning of the spell became clear when Harry was suddenly slick and wet…

He shifted, a bit uncomfortable but Snape smirked at him and oh man was that hot. The man's hands on his prick almost made him combust and he may have moaned as much. Snape's smirk deepened and he said. "Don't worry…I'll have you screaming soon enough. Luckily we're in the _Shrieking Shack_ so…."

Snape never got to finish that sentence as Harry kissed the man and wrapped his fingers around the thick cock at the same time. He gave a tug and Snape bit down on his lower lip in responds. "Then stop chatting and get to work…" Harry grinned as he pulled away.

Snape pulled him down so Harry was sitting on the edge of the table and engaged Harry in another kiss as he began to prepare Harry. It was uncomfortable but Harry filed it away in his memories as he familiarized himself with Snape's mouth, the way his shoulder's felt underneath Harry's hands, the faint stubble against his lips as he kissed Snape's face and then he breathed in deeply as Snape's cock nudged at his entrance.

It wasn't mostly pleasure when Snape pushed in but later Harry would remember the look in the dark eyes as they focussed on his face to gauge his reaction, the gentleness that Snape showed as he kissed Harry gently and the fingers that held his. Finally, the burn began to give way to pleasure and Snape began to _move_ …

It began with small thrusts and Snape's hands were on his hips, his lips on Harry's and his other hand touched Harry's cock. It wasn't until Harry dug his nails into the broad back that Snape truly thrusted deeper, letting the man known that he was ready and he could take it. He was so close…so close….

When Snape began stroking him in the same rhythm as his thrusts and then suddenly shifted his angle just slightly and Harry came, hard!

He shouted Severus' name and by the growl of his own name on the man's lips he knew that Snape had not been far behind him. The other man collapsed on top of him and for a long moment Harry enjoyed the closeness. He knew it would end so he buried his face in Snape's hair as his fingers idly stroked his back. He knew that soon they would have to separate. But he would always have these precious memories. No matter how dark the times ahead or how difficult, this may just be enough to carry him through.

They separated slowly, both reluctant to leave the other but knowing that they had to, that if Snape didn't want to be caught then he would have to leave now. Harry kept stealing glanced when he dressed, trying to commit as much of Snape to memory as he could.

"Severus…. thank you for…for everything you have done for me and for this…." He didn't know that to say. Now that it had happened the numbness was returning and Harry wanted nothing more than to leave with Snape. But…. he had responsibilities, didn't he? People would look to him to lead them in the upcoming days. He would….

 _But everyone has somebody now. Hermione and Ron have each other, Ginny has her family, Teddy…Teddy has his grandmother and I…. I don't fit in anywhere. This is not my world any longer. Kingsley and McGonagall can lead the new world now. They don't need me…. if I want to leave then now would be the time…but perhaps Severus doesn't even want to take me with him…. He's free now, truly free to do what he wants. Why would he want to take me?_

He stammered, lost for words and emotions. Severus turned to him and the dark eyes narrowed, taking in his appearance and Snape hesitated. He glanced around, intend on leaving, Harry could see it in every line of his body. How anxious and tense he was to be underway and to leave this place to memories that may hunt him in the dark of night but nothing more than a nightmare now. Finally, Snape took a step forward and held out his hand as he said.

"Do you have your Invisibility Cloak on you?" Harry hesitated. Of course, Snape would want to have it. He had seen first-hand what the cloak could do and…Harry didn't need it anymore, did he?

Fumbling for it in his pocket, his heart breaking, Harry nodded. He glanced away, trying to blink away the string of tears in his eyes. This was the last item he had of his dad but…. he had the memories and if…if Snape truly needed it, then why would Harry hold onto it?

He sighed and then extended the silvery material, reluctant to let it go. He bowed his head, closed his eyes as tears fell. Suddenly, there was the pressure of fingers on his own and Harry glanced up through his lashes. Snape's fingers curled around his and then the Potions Master whispered. "Is it big enough to cover us both?"

Harry nodded and then the dark eyes held his as Snape said. "Do you understand that once you leave with me you cannot go back? You cannot change your mind no matter how much you may want to. We'll be dead to the world and we will only live as memories in the minds of people we love. We can potentially send postcards in the distant future but for now, we will only be memories until the world slows down and we can show ourselves again."

And Harry only had one answer. "Yes. There would be nothing more I rather want in this world then to go with you. I do not have anything that is keeping me here and I do not want to become a hero. I have done my duty and I am tired, Severus and I want to start fresh, with you."

Snape smiled and it transformed his face, making him appear years younger. Harry knew it would not be easy as Snape was not an easy man to live with but he was up for the challenge and he was more than ready to start making new memories, happy ones and he knew who he wanted to do that with.

And as Severus pulled the Cloak over them both, hiding them and they made their departure, they did just that.

Cause you see, in the end memories are all we have of those we loved and within those memories our loved ones will never truly leave us but live on and that is the beautiful thing about them. So, hold onto your memories and create many happy ones as Harry and Severus would do in their live together.

The end

 **I hope you liked it. I hope I can come back to my old stories soon but please give me time to process this lost and find the spark again. Until next time, my friends.**


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